Maddenation
The Social Contract
Although Thomas Hobbes, John Locke, and Jean-Jacques Rousseau used the term “social contract” to theorize the need for a governing body to protect basic human rights, and the need for the governed to submit to authority for the overall good, I want to use the term to speak of our duty as individuals to govern ourselves for the overall good.
The idea has struck me especially during the past weeks when I’ve returned home late at night to find not a single parking space on the side of the lot facing our apartment building and abutting the sidewalk. I’ve counted the spaces before, and I know that there are enough for every apartment to park one car on the “good” side. There is additional parking just across the lot, so that it is never a question of parking far away. But I have children, and I prefer not to cross the lot with them if I can help it. Or, more correctly, I prefer not to leave Karina with that obligation, since sometimes children can be unruly (not obeying their Rousseauian “social contract” with their parents) and not hold hands or run out into the street.
In the past, I’ve always parked our second car on the far side, understanding my personal obligation to act unselfishly for the overall good. Always. But a number of my neighbors take the best spot available, catch as catch can, live for the moment, etc., including the couple downstairs who, as Galeano says, have four wheels each instead of two legs, and who have no children, and who always park both their cars on the good side unless they’re forced away when it’s full.
That drives me absolutely batty.
I’ve asked the apartment complex owners to circulate a note asking people nicely to park only one car on the good side, but they’ve refused. They’re also not interested in assigning spots. I’ve been too shy to confront my neighbors or to even circulate an anonymous note. So I stew.
On the one hand, I wonder if I should even feel entitled to one “good” parking space. But I also wonder why others feel entitled to as many as they can get their wheels on. Shouldn’t they be aware enough to realize that there is plenty of good space for everyone if we each take only our fair share? Or shouldn’t the childless people realize that those with children need those good spots more than they do?
I realize that most people would not be as upset about this as I am. I imagine that the offenders never give a second thought to where they’re parking. They just park wherever they can and don’t lose any sleep over it. But isn’t this situation a small indication of some of the deeper ills in today’s America? Aren’t we much too selfish? Too individualized? Too isolated, fragmented, unneighborly? And isn’t the “take what you can get” attitude rampant?
If we were more integrated, more caring, more concerned for each other, even for others we don’t know, I think we would all decide on our own, without coercion, that we should park our second car on the far side. And then we might also decide that we should give some of our time and surplus to those less fortunate. And those less fortunate would be grateful and not parasitic. And we would be in heaven, not on earth.
That is a nice enough ending, but I want to point out one other situation that has driven me crazy in the past: blocking right-turners at red lights. If I’m going straight at a light, and there are two lanes, I always move my car to the left lane so that people behind me who want to turn right on red may do so. This situation got me feverish when we lived in Utah and every day I had to get through a T intersection where both the right and left lane were permitted to turn left (because it was near the basketball arena and football stadium), but I had to turn right. I can’t tell you how many times some idiot sat in front of me in the right lane with his left blinker on even though there was no one in the left lane. There were even times when the only car ahead of me suddenly moved from the left lane to the right, then put on its left blinker (I use the non-human pronoun it to describe not only the car, but the driver). I still find it almost impossible to believe that people could be so unaware of others, so self-absorbed, so caught in their own navels, nestled in on a couch of lint. Maybe I’m then aligning myself with Hobbes, most famous for his crack about human life being “solitary, poor, nasty, brutish and short.”
Patrick • Observations • 10/08/03 • 24 comments
Comments
Dan • 10/08/03 • 6:39 PM:If we were more integrated, more caring, more concerned for each other, even for others we don’t know…
Ah, Pat. How will this get me rich?
On thought #2 (left-turners):
How about when you’re trying to get down the aisle of a food store and there are 4 people standing there talking to each other so there’s zero chance of getting through without Jerome-Bettising them? I suppose one could say “excuse me,” but I didn’t because I was in disbelief that they stood there (2 of them saw me right away, maybe 3) with me 1 foot away trying to get by, for about 8 seconds, before they finished their conversation. “Sorry,” they said after i could finally pass by. Yeah, you’re sorry. You’ll be sorry when i’m ramming my fist into your stomach!
Dad • 10/08/03 • 11:39 PM:Enough of this nasty, brutishness. In Wayne Dyer’s (he’s the baldheaded guy who writes books about psychology and the social contract. No, he’s not Dr. Phil. He’s the other baldheaded guy.) book, Your Erroneous Zones, which was written about 20 years ago, (which I can’t find, by the way, does one of you have it?) he has one of those “tests” at the beginning to see how badly you need his book. One of the questions surprised me. It was about having a strong need for fairness. I thought, “How is my strong need for fairness an “erroneous zone?” Anyway, I read the book and now understand what he meant. He meant that if you go around caring deeply about the unfairness in life, and lamenting the fact that other people don’t quite follow the same rules that you do, then you will bring a lot of unnecessary angst into your life.
Since reading the book, as you know, I have become a veritable island of serenity. My Zen-like calm in the face of life’s turmoil has served me well, diffusing many difficult situations that might otherwise have spiraled out of control. When confronted by a car in the right-hand lane blocking my right-on-red opportunity, I wait patiently, often taking the time to look around and appreciate the beauty of God’s creation. In parking lots, I allow others to take closer spaces, feeling that I am doing my part to lessen the world’s tension, and don’t you agree that the world’s tension needs a little loosening during these critical times?
Patrick, I might remind you that the issue of drivers blocking your right-on-red opportunity in Utah has been raised here before. I believe we all expressed our outrage that those other students, and possibly even professors, did not have the presence of mind to realize that someone behind them might wish to make the right turn and they shouldn’t block the lane unless they have not other choice.
In closing, I would just like to say that you should definitely NOT take matters into your own hands and slash the tires of those neighbors who choose to take the “good” spots for themselves.
David • 10/09/03 • 2:44 PM:Pat,
I’m down, like the Ground Round, with you, my brother.
Driving, and its related pursuits, gets me the most. And I’m guessing it might be somewhat genetic. When I get mad at people in the right lane and stuff like that, Dan and Gina think I’m too involved and angry. Maybe I am. I’m still searching for my inner Chi, and Dad’s Zen-like peacefulness. :)
My biggest problem on this topic has only developed since living in Chicago, and has to do with parking also. Arg. It’s the worst. What bugs me the most (and in all seriousness, maybe being more like Dan and Gina would be a good thing) is when idiots don’t park their car close enough to the “NO PARKING” or “TOW ZONE” signs. Right? You should park with the butt or front of your car EXACTLY at the sign. Not four feet from it, so as to take up tons of extra space, eliminating spot for the common man. The number of ‘non-parking-spots’ in Chicago is horrifying. I do my best, each and every time I park, to make the most room available for future parkers. Similarly, over by Gina’s house there’s a stretch of sidewalk between two driveways (one for the alley, one for a hospital parking dealio). This stretch fits two cars nicely, but with little room to spare. As long as the bozos pull up or back far enough, you’re golden. But sometimes people park right in the middle, or in the middle enough for it to eliminate the other spot. Man. AND, now at our new place we’ve got morons parking poorly and causing me unnecessary anguish.
Yours in Angst,
David
ps. Wasn’t the Ground Round the coolest? Didn’t they have “Kids Day” or something where you only had to pay your weight in pennies, or something like that? Morris County mall was the best.
pps. Dad, that was some of the funniest writing I’ve read in over 5 years. Seriously, I was just cracking up reading it at my desk, and my coworker asked what was going on - so I told her about Maddenation and Pat’s post, and Dad’s comments. “Island of Serenity” “Zen-like” - wonderful.
Dan • 10/09/03 • 5:21 PM:I think people would have been pissed if they had to pay only in pennies. Wasn’t it just one’s weight in coinage or dollarage?
I am glad someone has noticed MY zen-like calm and altruism. I never thought it would be arch-nemesis Dave, the one who once drop-kicked me into a closet, the one who almost did it again last night after I accidentally left the Foreman grill littered with salmon guts.
Parking? I’ve had a parking philosophy since before I could drive. It goes, “Just park the car.” That’s it. This is easy when searching for a spot in a convenience store parking lot. Streetside premises are tricker. I need more experience. Did I mention that I have yet to drive while in Chicago? I moved Gina’s car across the street once, but that’s it. I wonder if I’m rusty!
Thumbs Down.
Road Rage is silly to me. I possess a greater Chi-factor than a lot of people. Does anybody know which unit Chi is measured in? Foot-Pounds? Joules? Jewels?
People tend to throw around the middle finger when they get angry. I don’t think I have ever done that. It sounds/looks dumb to me. Rather, when urge posesses you to disclose another’s transgression, consider gesturing with a thumb’s down. Think about it. What makes you feel worse: A professor who gets angry at you for not handing in your Thermodynamics homework on time or a professor who gets disappointed at you for it? I’ll take anger any day. Well, the middle finger is the angry professor, and you just laugh and say, “You suck, too!” But the downward thumb, that’s a whole new monster. If you get a thumbs-down because of poor precaution on the roadways, you’re not going to forget it. That disapointment will ring in your ears for days, maybe weeks. It also will force you to do better next time. It says, “Don’t do that. You’ve just blundered and you’re better than that.”
In conclusion, corn on the cob is good, isn’t it?
Dad • 10/09/03 • 5:48 PM:I’ve got a better idea; one I’m sure Mr. Altenderfer would appreciate. You give the bad driver the “left-hand rule for electric motors” gesture. Or is it the right-hand rule? Anyway, you know the one, the thumb up, the index finger forward, the middle finger sideways. The thumb up (in Dan’s physics, it stands for “velothity”) represents a sarcastic, “That’s a real good move you jerk!” The index finger pointing means, “Yeah, I’m talkin’ to you.” The middle finger pointing sideways, well, you get the idea.
Dan • 10/09/03 • 6:31 PM:Fingers = Force
Palm = Push
Thumb = Velothity
One of my most brilliant moments.
Patrick • 10/13/03 • 8:46 AM:Here’s another example: When I used to drive to school here at OU, I used to pick people up and take them with me. Basically, if I saw them walking down Carriage Hill with a backpack, I stopped and asked if they wanted a ride to the parking lot where I was going. I did it because I thought that if I were walking, I’d like someone to stop and offer me a ride. If they were walking for their health, they could just refuse. And sometimes, since I was driving and leaving “late” for a walker, they were happy I stopped because then they could get to class on time.
Now I walk to school every day, and no one has ever stopped to offer me a ride. Not even my downstairs neighbor, who passed me by today. This doesn’t rile me too bad, but it’s another arrow in my quiver.
Here’s another: on the buses in Uruguay, almost nobody gives their seat to the elderly, the pregnant, or those with small children. This one does drive me bonkers, especially when it’s my wife trying to ride the bus standing with a small child on her arm, next to a healthy young many who pretends to be nodding off, oblivious to another human being with needs greater than his own. Me? I always give up my seat to old people or people with children. Always.
Now, Dad. You gonna tell me the world wouldn’t be a better place if we all gave up our seats to the elderly and children? Of course not. You gonna tell me that Dr. Wayne Dyer says I shouldn’t let it get to me. Maybe so. But when you ask me why the world’s going to pot, I’ll tell you that it’s because nobody thinks of others, nobody sacrifices their own comfort for others. We all just take what we can get. And we’ve built up a society based on that impulse, we reward it, without sufficient counterbalance of encouragement for harmonious, loving acts.
Patrick • 10/13/03 • 8:51 AM:Dad, one more thing. I don’t think I’ve mentioned the left-turners-in-right-lane-in-Utah here in Maddenation before. I probably have talked about it, but I did a search of the site, and I couldn’t find it. It drives me crazy when people say I already posted about some topic when I really haven’t. You don’t see me going around falsely accusing people of redundant posting!
Dad • 10/13/03 • 1:13 PM:Patrick, you could be right.
Regarding thoughtless people in the world, how about this one. I’m reading a book I got from the library called, Why Men Don’t Listen and Women Can’t Read Maps. It’s about differences in the structure of men’s and women’s brains that cause them to think and act differently. The book has various tests to determine one’s tendency toward male or female thinking. Someone before me has penciled in all the answers to the questions! To this unknown person I would say, 1) It’s not your book, 2) Obviously, other people are going to be borrowing this book from the library after you are finished. Why do you so callously disregard their right to read an unblemished book? 3) Are you too stupid to realize you could mark your answers on a separate sheet of paper or make a copy of the pages before you take the test? Anyway, based on the scoring in the book, this thoughtless person was a woman.
But my real point is that human beings have a great, and probably destructive, tendency to want to force others to conform to their will. We learn this as kids when we demand that our parents stop our brother from hitting us, or our sister from belittling us. As adults, we use lawyers to force McDonald’s to pay a big settlement for making coffee too hot, or stop corporations from developing land near our house. Religions often use God as the higher power authorizing them to restrict the activities of others. I’m not suggesting that all actions are equivalent or that there isn’t evil in the world. I’m suggesting that much of what we do is fairly arbitrary and not particularly harmful to others. To suggest better approaches or convince others of the benefits of our way, is legitimate, but to force them to accept our way is belligerent. Therefore, to think about forcing them to do it our way is not only wrong, but fruitless. Other people have other motivations and other experiences and in most cases deserve the opportunity to make their own decisions about how they drive or whom they pick up.
Patrick, you are a big guy who someone might confuse with a serial killer, so can you blame them for not picking you up?
Finally, on the left-turn-from-the-right-hand-lane question, I know the intersection you refer to. It’s a “T” intersection where you must turn right or left. As I recall, after turning left, there is an immediate entry ramp to a highway on the right. You know very well that the reason people turn left from the right lane is that they know they have to exit right very shortly, and don’t want to duel with another car to cross into the right lane. By not mentioning this reasonable motivation for the cars in front of you, Patrick, you have unfairly biased opinions in your favor.
Patrick • 10/13/03 • 1:54 PM:There is not an immediate entry ramp to a highway on the right, there’s a football stadium parking lot. The closest highway is a good 3 miles away. There is a kind of stop-light, business road called University Ave. two blocks (and two more traffic lights) away. Maybe that’s what you’re referring to? In any case, I am griping about the times when there were no other cars waiting at the light. Just me and the idiot in front of me.
Now, the human tendency to force others to conform to our will is called fascism. Ok. It’s bad. But we do it anyway, and we have to. (You can’t muder, even if you want to. If you do, we’ll punish you.) In any case, I’m not even thinking about forcing others to conform to my will, except maybe in the parking lot thing. I’m lamenting the state of the world where people think only of themselves. How long can this go on before it implodes? To go back, what if I wanted to turn right from the left lane? It’s illegal, but who’s going to force me to conform? I might get in a wreck, or I might just cause a lot of honking. If there are police nearby, I might get a ticket and have to pay a fine. But why shouldn’t I be able to turn right if I want to? It’s certainly physically possible, so from there, I should just do whatever the hey I please.
By the way, Dad, you missed your cue to begin a bout of The Exaggeration Game in my previous post.
Dan • 10/13/03 • 3:07 PM:Patrick, you are a big guy who someone might confuse with a serial killer, so can you blame them for not picking you up?
You also look like Jeffrey Dahmer.
Dad • 10/14/03 • 11:58 PM:Aha! I found the spot where Patrick previously mentioned the left-turners-in-right-lane-in-Utah! Look at 4th comment on my 2/17/03 entry, Negative Information. So now we can all make fun of him for being a “redundant poster” after all. (And suggest that he modify the site to allow searching comments.)
And Dan, you ruined the “serial killer” comment by naming Jeffrey Dahmer. You were supposed to just think of Jeffry Dahmer and chuckle. No need to be so obvious and point it out to everyone.
Kathleen • 10/15/03 • 7:11 AM:Why can’t we actually say Jeffrey Dahmer? We were all thinking it.
You guys CRACK ME UP!!
It’s still the middle of the night…4am to be exact, and I am awake!! Why? I don’t know. Anyway, I wonder, Dan, if you are rusty!! hahahahahaha
Patrick • 10/15/03 • 3:52 PM:First of all, Dad, your post was on 2/27/03, not 2/17/03. Second of all, you are right. But the topic really deserved another mention, don’t you think? Third, when I get some free time, I will do the modifications that will allow searching of comments. Fourth, I can delete Dan’s comment if you want. Fifth, Kathleen, why so much punctuation? Are you making up for Dan’s lack of it? Do your fingers have nothing to do at the end of a sentence, so they nervously tap while you think of what to write next? Sixth, I’m glad to see Dan capitalizing like a normal human being.
AJ • 10/16/03 • 5:46 PM:Try not to expect too much from the majority of people who make up the societies we live in. They are thoughtless, unobservant, audacious, and extremely not clever. To expect them to think about what they do is ridiculous on your part (let alone to do so objectively as I do, and I assume most Maddens try to do [I’m still trying to figure out more precisely what defines Maddenism (my word for it) as your strong loyalty to your family (and it’s name) comes out in your posts-feel free to correct me if my assumptions are too encompassing]. I’m NOT sure I punctuated that right. Don’t go into how objectively isn’t really objectively or how a robot can analyze objectively and I need to think subjectively too in order to be a super radical human being, I’m trying to keep my posts shorter here!
I used to get angry at stupid people; this is probably because I expected them to think. Now that I realize they can’t (or choose not to) I use the opportunity to laugh at them because people’s stupidity is hilarious? I think about how little thought it would take for me to act like them and it’s usually ridiculous enough for me to laugh. Sometimes I let them know by explaining how they could avoid what they are doing by using a simple thought or, god forbid, two. Like when people get off airplanes and try to push ahead (unsuccessfully if I’m in their way) and I turn around and ask, “Do you really not know how a line works?” I’ve also found out this is the best way to infuriate these people, which is often an awkward side effect.
Letting people know they are doing something stupid is probably the essence of AJ-ism, and is what I think is the cause of what my roommate Ryan has observed. He says that the people I meet get separated into two categories: people who think I’m funny (and therefore people who like me) and people who want to kick my ass (they probably like me too, but not when I’m walking around all healthy and able to make comments that insult them).
I think people fall in the second category or just think I’m a jerk because they hate being told they are doing something wrong or stupid - especially in a smart-allecky way (I have no idea how to spell that). Those people in the grocery store don’t go “Oh, I’m such an idiot and laugh at themselves, they say sorry out of fake social obligation and maybe feel embarrassed a little. I do stupid stuff all the time. I usually laugh at myself the same as the person who saw me or I’m dealing with is and make some smart-allecky comment about myself. This usually makes them laugh too – me making fun of myself that is.
My suggestion would (if it was still a problem) simply be to cross the street carefully. You’re probably smart enough to deal with ALL the problems the stupids create and how dare you think that you should be allowed to live without using all your smarts. That’s unfair to the stupids.
Anyway, unassigned parking is a lot like a line and we all know how that works.
But I like to write and write and write, huh?
What about customer service for cell phones - possibley the worst in history. Or customer service anywhere when they talk on the phone right in front of you (to boy/girlfriend or something) and just ignore you. Meanwhile all you want is to borrow a pen or something that takes like 11 to 13 seconds.
I also hate multiple punctuation!!!! (mostly because it’s redundant too also)
Btw – I couldn’t get html (which I knew at one time) to work in comments, so I read the instructions on the texttype or whatever, so I can do better for you Pat Jr. Next time feel free to email me directly with any comments. It took like two months for me to get the email you sent to kat and/or dan.
Patrick • 10/25/03 • 12:19 PM:How’s this one: yesterday, after Karina picked me up from the hospital, we went to get my backpack from school, but there in the entrance to the visitors’ parking lot across from my building, some numbknob had parked his dinky black Nissan right in the middle of the way. He was gone, but his blinkers were blinking, and his tires were conveniently positioned three feet from the curb: just enough to make it impossible to get past him. We cursed him, then drove around and parked illegally on the street (where the meters had been covered with “Don’t Park Here Now” yellow plastic bags) while Karina ran in.
Then a woman inside the parking lot came and wanted to leave. She couldn’t, of course, so she sat steaming in her car, until she finally gave up and went into a building to ask (I assume) if anybody was an idiot in there. Three people came out, scratched their heads, then finally, one of them got in the car and moved it back a couple of feet so cars could pass. She got out and waited while the other woman left. But it wasn’t her car, you could tell.
Ten minutes after I got there, the owner of the car finally came out from hiding. Was he crippled? Was he bleeding? Did he even have a huge box that he needed to put in his car?
You know the answer. His only affliction was assholitis (pardon my French, as Mom would say). He looked a little surprised to see his car in a slightly different spot, and one of the people there may have mentioned something to him, but I fear it won’t be enough to cure the young man of his blatant disregard for others.
And he did not know, will never know, how lucky he was that I was crippled, unable to walk without crutches, and in 4-out-of-10 pain.
Patrick • 01/23/04 • 10:09 AM:Followup: In the past week, I’ve driven to school a couple of times, and both times I stopped to offer rides to people I didn’t know. The first time, it was a shy Oriental girl who refused, saying that a friend of hers was picking her up just down the hill. Sure enough, she got picked up just a few paces away. The second time, I picked up a kid who was going to work at Wendy’s, which was slightly out of my way (I was actually going to return a video), but I just took him there, and he wasn’t as cold as he would have been, and since he had to work until about 3 am that day (he told me), I like to think that I lightened his burden ever so slightly.
My good karma has not yet come around, at least not in this same arena. People keep passing me by when I’m walking to school every morning. I guess these big societal changes take time to catch on.
Dad • 01/23/04 • 11:29 AM:It’s because you look like Jeffrey Dahmer! Haven’t we been through this already?
Patrick • 01/27/04 • 8:11 AM:But I also look like Bo Duke and Ivan Drago and Russell Crowe! By the way, I am successful in getting my Ghanaian neighbors to give me rides, if I catch them as they’re leaving, as I did yesterday and today (that would be a good name for an album).
Patrick • 04/20/04 • 8:36 AM:Update: Now our other downstairs neighbors (with one kid) park three cars on the close side, making it even more difficult to get a spot. Also, this past Sunday I got to church and realized I had forgotten a tie. I drove home to get one and on my way down the hill spotted a man walking. I picked him up, took him to his church (the Methodist church downtown), then went on my merry way. His name was Dominic and he’s from Ghana.
Mr. A • 07/06/04 • 3:04 PM:Sorry, Dan, it’s fingers=field, not fingers=force. Palm=push IS the force (the old physics book definition of force: a push or a pull). I am forced to give you the left hand rule.
Dan • 07/13/04 • 4:50 PM:Mr A, although I have no excuse for incorrectly citing the left-hand rule incorrectly. But seriously, we’ve got a physics major, a science teacher (who openly admits not understanding electricity…), and a chemical engineer reading this site and none of them caught it. Shame on me, but shamer on them.
Out of curiosity, how did you find this post? Also, how did you remember that fingers=field? Did Mike Resciniti tell you?
Kathleen • 07/21/04 • 12:06 PM:I think that people underestimate the effect they have on their immediate surroundings and that’s why they act they way they do. Or, they pretend they believe that their actions won’t have an effect on others. Example: the guy who parked his car in the middle of the parking lot so no one could get around him. He probably thought to himself, “I’ll be quick. No one will need to get out.” It’s interesting to ponder what goes through people’s heads. Since reality is subjective, people can really come up with random, “incorrect” stuff.
Just for the record, I have no idea what y’all are talking about with the push and force stuff. Did I really PASS physics at one time?
I think that if everyone had intact self-esteem, we’d have less problems in the world. The answer to the problem is to nurture everyone so that they all feel good about themselves. Just compare the days you have when you’re feeling good versus those you have when you’re not. Does anyone else realize that my entries usually offer a completely different perspective? It must be the psychology major in me.
David • 07/21/04 • 4:09 PM:Hey now Dan. I hadn’t even read your comment - so there. And also, I understand electricity just fine, just not well enough to teach it well. Don’t tell anyone.
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