Neil Diamond

Okay, I just watched something weird. It’s called Neil Diamond’s Parking Lot. Two dudes take a camera to a Neil Diamond concert parking lot pre-concert and they interview all the crazy people who, for some bizarre reason, love Neil Diamond. I don’t expect anybody to watch the whole thing. I did, and it was a waste of 15 minutes. Yes, it is 15 minutes long.

Here’s my defense of why I own a Neil Diamond album: I drove in the car with mom to and from school and the grocery store and on errands countless times. Of course, we all did, but I grew up at a time when tape players were standard in cars. What isn’t countless is the amount of times “The Jazz Singer” wasn’t playing on the car stereo. By the time I was 10 I knew every word to every song, though when I listen now I realize how off some of my lyrics are. That said, I still don’t know what a “technicolor Michelangelo” is.

This may also be the reason I can do a dead-on Neil impression. (Hello, again. Hello.)

I have heard other Neil Diamond songs not featured on that album and I can’t say I like any of them. Eek. Even Sweet Caroline sucks.

A year ago, I was driving to Ohio with mom and dad and we popped in mom’s Neil Diamond LIVE! cd. Oh my goodness. If you thought Neil Diamond with production was bad, you have got to hear him LIVE. Dad and I almost threw ourselves out of the car—that or we almost laughed ourselves out of our seatbelts.

Imagine a devil-possessed bear on a stage with a microphone, able to growl in quasi-English. That’s good ole’ Neil. Say, “I want Dick Tracy to handle my son!” as loudly as you can. Okay, good. This time, imagine you are a bear. Say it again. Now, do the same thing, but say “Gonna set out tonight for New Orleans and won’t sleep ‘til I arrive!” That’s Neil Diamond LIVE!

DanExplanations11/13/03 0 comments

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