The Octodog!

Oh boy. Somebody has done it. The Octodog is what it sounds like. Dave Barry says about it:

The frankfurter, aka hot dog, has long been an American dietary staple - a meal that is easy to prepare, and, at the same time, rich in chemicals.

The problem is that, after a while, the “plain old” hot dog can become boring. Until now, that is! Because now there is an amazing product, developed by leading frankfurter scientists, called the Octodog brand frankfurter converter. This is a cute device that converts a normal hot dog into a hot dog that looks sort of like an octopus, or some kind of mutant meat squid. Talk about fun! And it’s simple to do: You simply place the Octodog device on the hot dog and slide it down via a process that is both easy and vaguely obscene.

This is a terrific gift idea for anybody on your list who yearns to turn processed pork or beef cylinders into marine-life-shaped cuisine. It is our understanding that top professional chefs such as Emeril order these babies by the gross. It is also our understanding that Meat Squid would be a good name for a rock band.

DanFunnies12/04/03 4 comments


Patrick • 12/05/03 3:21 PM:

I have taken the liberty of reformatting your post correctly. If you do a long quote like that, code it as a <blockquote> (or use Textile and just begin each blockquoted paragraph with bq. (make sure to leave a space after the period)). How could you stand to look at all that italicized text? By the way, if you use <blockquote>, remember to close it with </blockquote>.

Karina and I make these things for the kids (though we don’t have the Octodog product to make them with). We have also made snakes (or worms). What’s genius about the product (no matter how much you disagree with it, it will sell, especially now that Dave Barry has mentioned it) is that it takes a simple thing that everybody has done, or could do, with a knife, and makes a product around it. The guy who invented the thing will get rich off it. This reminds me, though only peripherally, of Dad’s flag putter-upper-taker-downer. He’s really got to get that product to market. It would only sell three times a year (4th of July, Veterans Day, Memorial Day), but if you get the product in WalMart, then you sell a million of them. Dad? Whadayasay? Should we all work together on this? Not that anyone has a lot of time, but we might be able to dedicate a little bit of time to it.

Patrick • 12/05/03 3:36 PM:

By the way, octodog is not what it sounds like. It sounds like eight dogs, or a dog with eight heads. Octopushotdog would sound like what this is.

Dad • 12/05/03 9:33 PM:

No. Octodog sounds like an eight-sided hot dog to me (but I’m notoriously far-right-brained). When I was reading about it, I almost got sick thinking about what kind of twisting/mashing experience they were putting those weiners through.

Four Eyes Joke Shop • 02/16/04 9:24 AM:

Buy Octodog’s Frankfurter Converter at Four Eyes Joke Shop or visit our family owned and operated joke shop in Brimfield, MA. Belly up to our forty foot joke bar for laughs, gags, and magic demos. Find your next laugh, and get your next laugh at Four Eyes Joke Shop.

[Since Dan has not seen fit to delete this spam comment, I’ve at least cleaned it up. Note to commenter: you took the instructions for bolding and linking too literally. We’ll be sure to stop by next time we’re in Brimfield. By the way, Dan, email them and offer to redesign their bad web site. DINDIQ! -P]

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