Madden Games

We have an entry for Madden Diseases, but so far no entry for Madden Games. I got the idea tonight, when Adi and I invented a brand new Madden Game. It almost brought tears to my eyes. For two reasons: mostly because I realized that we were carrying on the great tradition, and also because the game is…

Eyelash Fights: you bring your heads together so that your eye sockets are aligned (one eye at a time; right eye to right eye, or left to left), your eyelashes should be intermingled (if you have very deep eye sockets or very short eyelashes, this is not the game for you). Then you blink like crazy until one person is tickled enough to disengage. Whoever holds out long enough is the winner!

I will add to this entry in the next while. I’m soliciting your input, please. I think we might want to leave World’s Strongest Madden for its own entry.

PatrickGames/Memories03/10/05 5 comments


Dad • 03/10/05 11:41 PM:

First, we have a games category. Isn’t that the place to put your entry? Second, I would imagine eyelash fights would bring tears to my eyes too. Third, did anybody put in “head fights” yet?

David • 03/10/05 11:49 PM:

You want Madden games? I’ll give you Madden games. These are all Kitchen Madden games (with the exception of one). Why did such genius brew in the primordial soup of the kitchen, much like life brewing in Earth’s early atmosphere? I’ll tell you later. Read on.

ANTLERS!! Also known as “Head Fights”. What a beautiful game. It’s where you lock antlers, pronghorn sheep-style, and push against the other guy’s head with your head, until someone gives up.

And then there’s WHISKERS also known as “Beard Fights”. I think I’ve only ever done this with Pat. It’s where you lock faces, and attempt to Sand Paper the other guy’s face until he gives up. A one, max two, day stubble is best for this one - much like extra course sand paper. Anything less is too smooth, anything more, too soft. I remember once giving Pat a nasty rug burn on his face. Ha!

The BALANCE GAME (do we have an official name for this?). This is where you stand, feet together, approximately two feet apart, and attempt to get the other guy to lose balance. This can be down with a devestating blow to the opponent - only open-hand-to-open-hand-contact-patty-cake-style is allowed. The classic Bluff-pull-your-hands-away-at-the-last-minute always works well (especially against the ever-aggressive, and not-so-balanced Dad, who, had he connected with you hands rather than fall on his face, he would have sent you through the glass doors and into the woods). This game is best played in the kitchen while Mom is either making or serving dinner. I am the champion of this game.

Then there’s the game that Dan and I made up. It also can only be played in the kitchen, during dinner time, in order to make Mom happy. Today I will call it, “Stand increasingly far apart, then fall towards your brother and nail each other in the chest, while avoiding bashing skulls”. Please come up with another more clever name, Daniel. How did this game ever start? Maybe we can call it “The Rib Cracker” or “Almost Collapse Your Lunger”. The sound of collision at the end has got to be one of the best sounds of all the Madden games.

How about DOORWAY BATTLE ARMS? Pat and I invented this one. The environmental pressure that forged the evolution of this game is the same one that created countless other kitchen games - and that is - Let’s do ANYTHING but what we’re supposed to - namely, the dishes, setting the table, clearing the table, sitting down to eat, and what Mom tells us. The kitchen/family room doorway is this game’s Lambeau Field, its Wimbledon, its Boston Garden, its Yankee Stadium, its Daytona 500 (for you Nascar fans). Basically you play by putting your back against one side of the doorway, with your adversary’s on the other. You then interlock hands, chant the opening words (must be chanted, not just said), then you try to touch/punch the other guy’s shoulder(s), while preventing him from doing that to you. The battles were epic.

Right now the only other Kitchen game I can remember is “Put a chili bowl on Dan’s head”. That game was fun.

Here’s two outside games.

Pat - you should describe Baseketball and Ciaglia (aka ‘Ag’).

FLAMINGO! This game was played most often on the driveway. Truthfully, I don’t remember much else except that you had to do it on one leg (hence the name) and it was all about balancing. Pat - please fill in the details.

Dad • 03/14/05 8:47 PM:

Before making my other comments, I should first have praised Adi for inventing a quintessential Madden game; intimate, physical, requiring self-control and stamina, and unlikely to be tried by non-family-members. A most worthy effort for someone of such tender years.

Dan • 06/26/05 11:22 PM:

REVERSE VOICE was my favorite one-off game, although we did play it a few times and at different times than others, which was one of the good things about it. The game is where one person records himself mimicking a movie quote or song lyric or something like that and then plays that line backwards on the computer and then records what the line sounds like backwards. After everyone has recorded their reverse-voice, you listen to the backwards versions backwards, which can result in Dad saying “Yo, what’s up, homie?” like an Asian gangster.

Dan • 06/26/05 11:26 PM:

WORLD’S STRONGEST MADDEN combines the Propane Tanks Hold, the Car Push, the Tree Climb, the TreeTrunk Toss, the Fence Climb, The Fence Jump, and probably more I’m forgetting.

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