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Patrick • 04/11/07 • 2:16 PM:

You’re right that this video brings back memories. What strikes me now is the utter weird ridiculousness of it. I can forgive us for liking this as mere children, but do you realize that it was adults scripting, directing, and “acting” in this video!? What was their excuse? Every now and then I realize that changes in fashion aren’t solely changes in fashion, they’re progression from really bad styles to slightly better styles.

I wonder how they came to this kind of video for that song. I mean, if I’m the director, I’m thinking

“Don’t cry, now that I have found you…” Hmmm… found you; found you, like Indiana Jones, right!? OK, let’s get everybody in some explorer khakis. Yeah, get Geoff a really thin headband. That’s cool. And wear a long robe. OK, Steve, wear this pit helmet. Ooh yeah! Carl, now what can we do with Carl? Well, we can rip your sleeves off. And whack at the thin underbrush with this twig. Nice!

Now, John, sing like you’re whispering, no emotion, just like you don’t want the other people in the cantina to hear you. That’s it! Ooh, I want this Humphrey Bogart guy to pretend like he’s taking a swig from this Holy Grail goblet, but make it like you’re pretending! Like there’s nothing in the cup! Good! Now, Steve, look inside your lit flashlight, like you’re seeing if it’s loaded. Ooh, realistic! And speaking of realistic, how do you like this lit-up pyramid I got at a garage sale!? Let’s put this “in the distance” to be a kind of theme.

Remember that pit helmet, Steve. Let’s use it as a kind of symbol of your first death. We’ll have you hanging on this papier-mache cliff like a rag doll, then “little darling”/spooky lady will drop you off and just as your feet hit the out-of-scene floor, we’ll cut to a closeup of your helmet falling. We’ll bring you back later, though. You can be the first one into the Egyptian Temple, which you seemed to be moving away from earlier. But don’t get too cozy. Even though you’re by far the ugliest guy in the band, you’ll get the kiss the girl, but then she’s going to light you on fire. Make it look real!

Meanwhile, Carl, we want you to fall for no reason into a pit of simulated quicksand! Fall softly so you don’t bump your shin or anything. Keep your elbow on the solid ground, but don’t try to pull yourself out or anything. Just splash around.

Geoff, you’re next to arrive. You seem to have already been right next to the shiny pyramid, and you seem to have been traveling through the desert, but now you’re going to find the temple in a lush jungle. We’re locking you in, too. Slide against the wall when you see the scary shadow, and place your hands right here where the handclasps are. Leave your left hand there even after we get your right hand. Then give a kind of scared-rabbit look. Really bare those teeth!

Carl, a few years later, we’ll have you drop in on a rope, the same rope that you found tied to that tree near the quicksand pit that saved you before. Notice rotten Geoff against the wall. Now, Geoff was afraid of Scary Lady’s shadow, but not you. You’re hoping for a kiss like Steve got. But look out! She’s got other plans. OK, Scary Lady, make like you’re going to kiss him, but push him backward into that carbon-freezing chamber thing, just like Han Solo. We get all our ideas from Harrison Ford.

John, you still with me? OK, you’ve been sitting in the cantina all this time, whispering your lyrics, holding hands with the Scary Lady in diguise. But now you’re done chatting, and maybe you’re off on a quest to find her in that temple or something. When your back is turned, our anti-heroine removes her veil, revealing that she is, indeed, the only woman in this whole video. As you walk past, the other three guys, or their ghosts, perhaps, or their previous selves, but with foreknowledge from having read the script, are sitting at a table. They know where you’re going, so they raise their eyebrows, shake their heads a little, give a little knowing laugh.

The End.

Awesome! The kids are gonna love it!

Dad • 04/12/07 • 6:37 PM:

I just watched the video for the first time. True, it must have been on in the background at times as I entered the family room to do family things, but I don’t remember it.

So now we’re going to start analyzing videos? Well lay me down on a bed of roses!

It’s Pith Helmet
by the way.

David • 04/15/07 • 12:58 AM:

Hold on a second. That video is AWESOME! The director knew exactly what he was doing. Go ahead, name a better video.

Nice work on the script/commentary Pat. Hilarious. I too love the bushwhacking with a little twig. And how the dude looks sorta like MacGyver (did they base the show on this video?)

And darn it Dad, why did you have to point out the “pith helmet”? I was going to make fun of Pat for that. Lord knows had I made such a mistake he’d be pointing out the one time, from my youth, when I messed up a name.

Patrick • 04/16/07 • 1:35 AM:

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the truth is my commentary is WAY funny.

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