Death Star Trash Compactor

A friend of mine linked me to this great humorous essay, On the Implausibility of the Death Star’s Trash Compactor. You have to read it, now, and again and again. Thank you, Joshua Tyree!

PatrickFunnies12/07/07 3 comments


David • 12/08/07 3:07 PM:

At this time I find it hard to believe that we are related. You put that under “funnies” because you thought it was funny right? Or was that a joke? Okay, here are my thoughts (without much filter).

I did not laugh once or think there was one remotely funny thing in that essay. Not even close. I had to fight hard to get through it and resist the urge to stop. I feel bad for the guy who wrote it. He tried so very hard, and it showed, and he was utterly unfunny - and I mean “tied for last place” unfunny. But even more so, I feel bad for me, for Joshua Tyree (via my “brother” Pat) wasted a decent chunk of my life that I will never get back.

I did go back through it after I read it just to see if I was crazy or missed the one funny/entertaining part. Nope.

Mind you, I’m fine with you enjoying it and thinking it’s funny. We just can no longer be brothers. Okay?

In closing - these things are funny. The Onion, The Farside Gallery, Dave Barry, Arrested Development, Seinfeld, Steve Martin (there are others, but I’ll stop there).

Patrick • 12/08/07 6:36 PM:

I’m sorry you don’t find it funny, because you’re missing out on one of the simple joys of life. And I’m worried about your reading ability if it took a “decent chunk of [your] life” to read that two-page mini-essay. In any case, I agree with you on those other funny things, although Dave Barry can get stuck in a rut sometimes, which is why it’s good that he quit.

Dad • 12/09/07 11:02 PM:

I thought it was funny that this item was linked to my entry on the “Death Burger” (which nobody commented on).

I don’t recall actually laughing when I read the essay, but I was amused by it. Perhaps it would be funnier delivered by a good visual stand up comedian. “And what’s with that worm monster that lives in there?” I hear him saying with a strained look on his face. I mean that IS a good point. Unless the period between compressions is so long that the creature has time to grow up from a small egg.

I can’t let this opportunity go by without commenting on the vast emptiness of space. It has been said that entire galaxies could pass through each other without ever interacting. Such is the remarkable sparsity of matter. Surely the small amount of refuse generated by the Death Star would not be significant in the vastness of space. What is more, we are all familiar with the large spaces between molecules of matter, which are not on the scale of the cosmos, but still large. Then again, the mass of atoms that comprise the molecules is all in the nuclei, which are crammed into the center of those electron clouds. But wait, the nuclei, are made of neutrons and protons that are in turn made of quarks and other such weird, small things. And finally (at least for now), modern physics theorizes that quarks are made of strings, that even in cosmic terms are unimaginably tiny. The scale of strings is on the order of 10-34 the size of subatomic particles. Hence, all the matter in the universe is apparently contained in particles that could be squeezed into a very small space. I just did a very rough calculation, possibly wrong, but I conclude that, if compressed “string to string” the universe could be mashed into the volume roughly the size of a single atom. No wonder the big bang happened.

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