Maddenation

Better living through chemistry

First, let me say that I have never knowingly taken steroids. There was that time a friend of mine injected a special vitamin “cocktail” into my butt, but that was accidental. I was bending over to pick up a weight and my buddy tripped over a dumbbell and inadvertently jammed the syringe into my left buttock. Once the initial pain eased, I felt exceptionally “healthy” for several days.

Just kidding. I guess I shouldn’t make light of the serious drug scandal recently uncovered in major league baseball by Senator Mitchell. I mean, can you imagine professional athletes using performance “enhancing” drugs to “enhance” their performance? I am literally in shock and awe.

On second thought, maybe I’m not so shocked. After all, not everyone is gifted with exquisite musculature like me. Were it not for my sloth-like reflexes, I might have become a professional athlete myself. Alas, there were no reflex-enhancing drugs available in my day or I might have partaken of them.

My point is that I coulda been a contender if only I had had more talent.

DadConspiracies12/18/07 0 comments

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